"How to Lie to Your Court Appointed Psychologist"

"Keep it simple, shallow and stupid --

the more pathetic the better"

YouTube's "GrannyWolf 007" identifies himself on his Star Chamber blog as Ryan Murray of Toronto, a cook. ("I govern the heat in meat and cheese until I judge it to be delicious.")

Hat tip: Joe Plaud

Bipolar disorder by proxy proposed for DSM-5

New diagnosis to address "critical clinical need"

Although some scholars warn of dangers posed by the proposed expansions of psychiatric disorders, others say there remains a critical shortage of accurate diagnoses for those who need them. At a forensic psychiatry conference last month, for example, proponents said three new sexual disorders are needed to address an urgent clinical reality.

Incorporation of such broad-brush conditions as "psychosis risk syndrome," "temper dysregulation disorder," and "hebephilia" into the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), due out in 2013, will help address the diagnostic shortfall, the clinical realists say. But more should be done.

To help meet the needs of those few who remain undiagnosed, California psychologist Michael Donner has proposed an umbrella disorder. To qualify for the newly minted Bipolar by Proxy (BPP), patients must meet at least one of the following criteria during the preceding two-year period:

1. A pervasive sense of well being
2. Repetitive episodes of sadness or pleasure while engaging in pleasant or unpleasant activities, typically lasting for the duration of the activity
3. A minimum of one episode of feeling extremely excited or irritated
4. Two or more episodes of crying, or three or more episodes of an urge to cry
5. Engaging in laughing behavior when confronted with something humorous
6. A general willingness to comply with a prescription medication regimen despite having no overt symptoms
7. One or more major medical health insurance reimbursement plans

As a rule-out, the disorder must not occur in the presence of any other previously undiagnosed mental illness. Nor can it be due to the direct physiological effects of exogenous substances (e.g., drugs of abuse or medications).

There may be no need to market a new drug for this condition. The prescription depressant Despondex (see below video) has been on the market for more than a year and targets annoying exuberance, a core symptom of Bipolar by Proxy that often alerts clinicians to conduct a more thorough diagnostic workup.

Although the reliability of the proposed diagnosis has not yet been established through clinical replication studies published in peer-reviewed journals, this should not be a barrier as field trials are being planned in time to make it into the manual just under the wire. The sites for the field trials will be strategically selected to maximize positive findings. Similarly, high inter-rater reliability will be assured through careful selection, training, and certification of raters by the Bipolar By Proxy Promulgation Association. The journal whose editorial board is dominated by that Association is expected to publish the positive findings. The larger question of validity is not thought to be a problem, as many other current and proposed diagnoses lack real-world validity.

Related post:

Despondex: Is psych mania overreaching? (June 22, 2009)

Photo credit: Eva Blue, Creative Commons License, Peaceful Heart Doctor, San Francisco Chinatown

Stalker slain -- "WWBD?"

You evaluate a man who engaged in repetitive stalking of a high school girl. He spied on her, followed her around (rationalizing it as “for her own good”), and even climbed in her bedroom window at night and watched her sleep. He acknowledges a powerful desire to kill her.

Ominous, right? When we encounter men like this, they raise our hackles.

But in pop culture -- movies, music, and videos -- this possessive, condescending, and downright creepy behavior is often glorified as "true love." Such is the case with Edward in the blockbuster Twilight movie series, marketed with great fanfare to young teenage girls.

Appalled by the sexually predatory behavior modeled by Edward in Twilight, freelance Web designer Jonathan McIntosh of Rebellious Pixels asked himself, "What would Buffy do?" Buffy, of course, being the strong woman heroine of the popular TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

If you haven’t seen the resultant video mashup, stop whatever you're doing and take the six minutes to watch it.



The brilliant and hilarious video has been translated into 16 languages and watched by millions of people worldwide. As reported in the L.A. Times, Buffy v. Edward reveals Edward’s supposed charm for the creepy stalker behavior it is:

[T]he Slayer has little patience for the expertly coifed Edward, dazzling or otherwise. "Being stalked isn’t a big turn-on for girls," Buffy tells him. When Edward tries to explain that he's on "a special diet," Buffy replies, "What are you doing? Here, at this table, talking to me like we're some kind of talking buddies?"

McIntosh's essay explaining his project is HERE.

Goldilocks and the 3 Bears

When the Bear family came home from an evening of foraging at the local Chinese buffet, Mama Bear noticed that someone had been eating in her kitchen.

"Who ate the crab cake and left the crumbs on the counter?" she asked.

"Not I," said Papa Bear.

"Not I," said Baby Bear.

Papa Bear went upstairs and saw that someone had been sleeping in his bed. In fact, that someone was still sleeping, curled up in Papa Bear's blanket on the bed, with his shoes, socks, and pants lying on the floor.

"Who's been sleeping in my bed?" Papa Bear asked.

No, wait a minute, scratch that. Modern bears have cell phones. So Papa Bear did not confront the intruder. Instead, he quietly crept downstairs, gathered up Mama Bear and Baby Bear, and went outside to call the police.

Goldilocks was still asleep when police rolled up.

"What are you doing in my house?" demanded the brazen, modern-day Goldilocks of police.

As it turns out, poor Goldilocks was a 50-year-old man who - with the recent economic downturn - had just lost his job. He was apparently so drunk that he entered the wrong bed in the wrong house. In fact, he got off the bus a full eight miles from his own home in Damascus, Maryland.

The drunken Goldilocks was apologetic.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he told the Bears. "And by the way, you have a very comfortable bed."

The modern-day Bears were also a good deal more charitable than in the original tale.

Mama Bear, a middle school teacher named Joanne Breiner, packed up a container of homemade chicken soup, homemade cookies, and spareribs for Goldilocks.

"I think her mom would have been disappointed if we didn't feed the intruder," said Papa Bear (aka Bob Breiner).

In the modern saga, by the way, Baby Bear was 16 years old and had carelessly left the front door unlocked.

Police would not reveal Goldilocks' real name, saying only that he had no criminal record.

Why am I posting about Goldilock and the Bears?

Because in forensic psychology we sometimes get cases like this. Indeed, I had a case very similar to this one, except the Goldilocks in my case was arrested and prosecuted for burglary. In my case, Goldilocks had not been drinking; rather, he was sleepwalking while in an altered state due to an extremely high fever. His charges were dismissed based on witness accounts of his illness, medical records that substantiated his fever and lack of blood-alcohol, and his documented history of somnambulism (sleepwalking).

In the forensic context, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) cautions about the possibility of malingering - or faking - of such fugue-like states in order to avoid criminal responsibility.

"Criminal conduct that is bizarre or with little actual gain may be more consistent with a true dissociative disturbance," states the DSM-IV-TR.

That must have been what police concluded in Goldlilocks' case. Instead of arresting the embarrassed fellow, they released him to his wife. After all, most burglars don't just eat the crabcake and go to bed.

The Washington Post has the story.

The platypus defense

Preparing his closing arguments in an Oakland wife-killing trial, a defense attorney did some unusual zoological research. To understand oddity, he reasoned, the jury should hear about the duck-billed platypus.

The platypus, as most readers will know, is a semi-aquatic Australian creature. When Europeans first discovered it, some considered it an elaborate fraud due to its bizarre, cobbled-together appearance - a duck's bill, a beaver's tail, an otter's feet, and - as we will see - some characteristics of a reptile.

William DuBois likened his client to a genetic mistake while looking at him disdainfully, according to the trial blog of newspaper reporter Henry K. Lee:

"Did you know that the platypus is the only mammal that lays eggs?"* DuBois asked the jury, smiling. "I was trying to think recently how a platypus could even evolve. It must have been a genetic mistake. That's why it reminded me of --" DuBois trailed off but turned his head and gave a disdainful look at his client. Some laughter in the courtroom.

Whether or not the jury convicts Hans Reiser of killing his missing wife, the defense attorney's closing argument is likely to go down in the annals of novel defenses.

Explaining the computer programmer's strange and off-putting behavior both after his wife's mysterious disappearance and during the five-month trial, attorney DuBois showed the jury a stuffed platypus, and later a slide image of a real-life platypus.

Reiser, the attorney said, is the "duck-billed platypus of criminal defendants, the duck-billed platypus amongst some of his peers, the duck-billed platypus amongst normal people."

"He is odd in every way. Odd in the way he carries himself. Odd in the way he acts. Odd in the way he speaks."

Reiser's platypus nature explains not only his strange behavior but also his victimization by law enforcement, the attorney contended.

After all, as everyone knows, "It's easy to screw a platypus."

DuBois characterized the platypus as helpless, telling the jury, "I don't know how they stay away from predators. They must taste terrible."

DuBois will resume his closing argument on Monday, after which prosecutor Paul Hora will have a second shot at the jury. If he's smart, Hora may do his own research on the platypus.

As it turns out, the quasi-reptilian creature is not as cute and cuddly as the stuffed animal might make him appear. Indeed, it is one of the few venomous mammals: A spur on the male's hind foot delivers a powerful venom capable of killing other animals its size.

Listen for yourself to the platypus growl:



*The platypus is actually not the only egg-laying mammal. There's one other, in the same Monotreme family. It's called an echidna.

My subsequent essay, on the jury verdict, is here. Henry K. Lee’s blog on the trial is here. Wikipedia has more on the platypus.

Growing epidemic of criminal behavior among the wild

Human influence suspected in bizarre rampages by elephants, otters, and seagulls

When humans aren’t killing off other species, it seems that we are turning them into violent criminals.

Remember cute little Morgan the Sea Otter?

Abandoned as a pup, he was raised by naturalists at the Monterey Bay Aquarium and then released back into the wild. The motherless darling became a bizarre interspecies pedophiliac serial killer, terrorizing the Pacific coast. He raped dozens of baby seals, afterwards holding them underwater to drown them.

And how about those rogue elephants in India and Africa?

With their traditional, matrilineal culture destroyed by poachers and farmers, gangs of young males are terrorizing the countryside, raping and killing rhinoceroses, attacking villages, and goring humans to death in what appear to be premeditated assaults in which escape routes are blocked.

They don't wear red or blue colors, but their appearance is just as ominous. Hundreds of people have been killed in the widespread attacks. Scientists are describing this never-before-seen behavior as a species-wide emotional breakdown stemming from human interference.

Then there are the birds.

Right out of Hitchcock's horror thriller, "bird rage" has struck urban Great Britain. An 80-year-old man had a fatal heart attack after being swooped on by seagulls; a woman was rushed to the hospital with deep beak wounds to her head, and a pet dog was pecked to death. A preschool in Scotland even had to hire falconers armed with hawks to safeguard its children.

Against this ominous backdrop, it is no wonder that the story of a mere kleptomaniac has inspired so many chuckles across the blogosphere.

"Sam," a Seagull in Scotland, has stolen his way into celebrity status through his daily pilfering of cheese Doritos.

If you haven't yet seen the video, it's worth a look. Especially notice how he saunters in slowly, checking to see that the shopkeeper doesn't notice him, and then speeds up on the way out. If I was evaluating him in a forensic context, I'd take that as evidence that he is aware of his moral – if not legal - culpability.

Click on the thief's photo to see the video.

Craig exonerated; new Apple technology to revolutionize senatorial trysts

Posted with the permission of cartoonist Don Asmussen, San Francisco Chronicle.